Murder and me

I have this favourite dream of mine ... It involves me putting a contract over the one person who I truly hate ... who is directly responsible for my life not being much much better than it is now.
I will not reveal who he ... yes he's a he ... is.
Well this dream is not so much a favourite of mine as it is ever recurring। The reason it does not find much favour with me is because I always end up getting caught for the crime.
The dream is of two parts. The hitman bumps of his target ... depositing his body off Worli creek (a most reliable place to dispose off bodies according to Maximum City) ... never to be found again. This is the part I like.
Then the hitman gets nabbed by the cops and he leads them to me. This is the part I dislike.
Two things are noteworthy over here.
One - The cops are somehow never corrupt in my dreams (since they're Mumbai cops this is something really hard to believe) and bought off to remain silent.
Two - I never seem to have the sense not to reveal my identity to the hitman while placing my contract.

What to do? It's not like I've written the script. It's what unfailingly happens always. I don't know how many times I've had this dream. I generally never remember my dreams. Only this one leaves me with a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach (weirder than normal that is) when I wake up thus leaving behind it's trail.
I have been having this dream for the past two years ... that's about the time when I first started hating him.

The dream is not always exactly the same though. It differs in some key areas even though the end result is often the same.
Firstly the face of the hitman always varies. It's always someone famous. Someone who's either played a hitman in the movies or someone truly evil in real life. Like Narendra Modi. Hehe.
Secondly the way he exterminates the target changes. Bullets, knives, pitchforks have all made appearances at one point of time or the other.
Thirdly the way he gets caught is sometimes different. Sometimes he reveals it in a drunken stupor to his mistress who moonlights as a bar girl and who is also a part time police informant.
Sometimes he leaves behind a witness. Sometimes he gets caught for a completely different crime and then to gain leniency in his sentence, he strikes a deal with the cops revealing the identities of those who placed the contracts ... like me of course.

Maybe the reason I always get caught in the end is because of the innate conscience within me which knows that killing is wrong, that murderers should never get away with their crimes, that justice should always be done in the end. But why is it then I like it when he gets murdered. Why does realization and repentance of my sins only occur when I get caught?

The reason behind a hitman always being involved ... rather than me committing the deed myself is simple enough. I'm too fattu to do something like this.

But, But, But If a similar opportunity does present itself in real ... say supposing I make friends with a hitman who offers me the chance to bump anyone off as a favour to me (I know it's far fetched)... will I take it?

What do you think? Could I ever be a murderer?


Or maybe I already am one.