Numbness

Numbness.


A feeling of numbness permeates my sensory organs. A feeling of emotional bereftness. A void filled with work related stresses and a relentless drive to achieve meaningless (in the overall context of life, the universe and everything) numbers. The inner artist (solely self-perceived though he may be) has been mollified, suppressed and replaced with a vacuum which envelops anything chancing upon it. 


The sales experience has fragmented my existence - replacing my earlier unfocused purpose in life with a purpose that seems alien yet exhilarating at times, meaningful yet not a meaning that I am comfortable with. Life consists of a timetable - a 9-9 all-time-consuming process broken only by a siesta cum lunch hour. The expected physical toll, in varying degrees of severity to varying parts of my anatomy, largely ignored though not completely forgotten. The lack of a genuine mirror at home is responsible partly.


The two post-work pre-sleep hours are precious to my existence and are frustratingly fleeting. They provide me with a larger context to life, a chance to pull back from the daily stresses and indulge in my one true love. Movies and the world of trivia surrounding them. Sadly my first true love - reading has been consigned to 140 character tweets and the occasional Sunday page-turners.


My face - a pock-marked, cratered, post-apocalyptic dark side of the moon - is forever furrowed - a fact remarked by many before realized by myself.. The lack of companionship hurts, only in moments of reflection such as these. The future seems wholly uncertain though not unviable. 


Where do I go from here? What path do i tread? To wait for fate to run its course or seize matters into my own hands and alter and shape-shift my destiny (something I have done rarely in the past).


Sunday the only day of refuge, the last bastion of defence against insanity beckons, its welcoming magic already working its way into my brain, pressing down upon my eyelids, beckoning me to close upon this post.
I yield to its command. Writing after so long has been fun, providing me a chance to be verbose and let loose my mental demons onto the keyboard.


Blogging - one of my listed hobbies (an untruth) needs to be re-pursued with vigour.


Signing out.