The dogs of Goa

I realised that I need to write something humorous to lighten up the sombre mood in the blog that my previous few posts have created. So I give to whoever bothers to visit this red - light -area of a blog an incident that happened a few years ago on a sleepy road parallel to a sleepy beach in Goa at a time of the night when everyone had gone to sleep.

Anyone who visits Goa for a holiday knows that the time cycle that you daily follow back in your hometown goes for a toss! Our mornings began at 12 noon, our lunches were had at 6 in the evening and our nights ended usually at 4 a.m. in the Morning. On one such day, I think it was a Tuesday because weird things tend to happen to me on Tuesdays, don't ask me why, or rather on one such night we felt the need to get some dinner at 12 a.m. in the night. So three people were allotted the task of retrieving the chow from a late night neighbourhood eatery. Unfortunately the road that lead to this dubious delicatessen was a one mile long affair with no street lights.

So on a moonless night, three weary souls, namely Paul, Pranay and Moi left for the afore mentioned chow palace. Now I use the names of my other two friends without their permissions so kindly don't mention this to them If you ever happen to meet them by chance walking down the road or something.
After a few minutes into our journey, when none of us had spoken more than a sentence or two, Paul who more often then not tends to come up with ridiculous ideas, came up with another ridiculous one. "Lets race to the place!", he said with the typical enthusiasm that only he can display. Now it actually indicates the type of simple souls Pranay and Me are that we actually agreed to this plan.

Somewhere deep down from my consciousness came up a voice, which keeps on surfacing occasionally, "This is stupid, You Idiot!" I don't know why but this voice which resides in the nether regions of my brain always keeps on abusing me whenever it speaks.

So just about the time when the minute and hour hands of a clock rendezvous in an upright manner, three dark figures started running down an unlit street which until now had been so quiet that the sloshing sound emanating from an urinating mosquito would have been heard.

Just a few days ago before leaving for the shores of Goa, I had visited a local store and bought a pair of Hawaiian chappals for what I had thought as quite a bargain. How i wish I could turn back the clock and exchange them for some noiseless sneakers! We ran! And then it started! Dogs, Dogs and more dogs! Dogs of all kind! Barking dogs! Howling Dogs! Dogs wailing in their mother tongues some ballads of lost glory and tales of woe!

Now just close your eyes
and try to visualize...
First ran Paul,
the swiftest of us all.
Then ran Pranay,
shoving me out of the way.
And then came I,
crying my whiny lil' cry,

And behind me were the dogs, teeth gnashing, jaws open, tails wagging all the time barking their hellish barks. Of course the fair citizens of Goa whose cottages were lined up on either side of the road weren't going to forgive us for our sinister crime. Cries of "Tommy Go!" "Jimmy Catch!" "Moti Kill!" joined the cacophony of barks as these well bred dogs joined their savage cousins in our pursuit!

The hotel was visible now! Were we going to make it? But by now the dogs had overtaken me! One of them jumped on my back and as I fell to the ground! Another two pounced on Pranay! Only the slippery Paul managed to reach the doors of the deli into safety! But then he peered out and saw his stricken comrades!
Giving the war cry of "Har Har Mahadev!" he joined in the melee trying to ward of the canines trying their level best to rip off our throbbing throats!

Have you ever been mauled by a dog? Of course you might have or might not! Those who haven't believe me it is one of the scariest experiences in the world. You grow numb with fear. The pain hits you like a rush of wind, knocking you out with a solid punch. You cry but your wails are cut off by the fangs that have pierced your once unblemished neck!

Of course nothing of such sort happened! Soon through a combination of some Karate moves, some Kung Fu chops and some Hakka Noodles borrowed from the kitchen the dogs were separated from us. We reached the safety of the hotel, took the food parcels that awaited us and started on our way back! We waited a full hour before proceeding to do so. While returning everything seemed to be pretty calm! The dogs satiated with their fill of Manchow soup had drifted back to sleep!

Paul looked at me and suggested "Shall we run again?"

The voice from deep inside of me came to the fore again. Surprisingly this time I wasn't the target of his tirade! "Kick him in the balls!", it suggested. I couldn't agree more!

How to lose a friend

I guess when the time comes for me to hang up my boots, to retire from whatever career path i will have trod in the opaque future, I will probably end up writing a book based upon the title of this post.

I seem to have this curious knack of turning very good friends away from me in just a moment of unexplained lunacy.
It happens thus, The day begins, the morning shows no signs of this being a day out of the ordinary. A chance circumstance causes me to meet up with my friend, a topic comes up and then in a stupendous mind boggling display of insanity I say something or do something that causes extreme anguish or hurt to my friend and just like that we are friends no more.
I like to end friendships with a single line - "Have a nice life!"
On second thoughts maybe that should be the title of my book.
And then just like that a once strong close friendship is broken.

The reasons why these events occur, in a alarmingly frequent rate nowadays, never stands up to even a cursory scrutiny later on. Try as I might I cannot explain why I behave the way I do.

Do we all have these demons locked up away in our brains which are released all of a sudden which make us lash out in a selfish, callous, irrational manner. Is this an indication of a deep rooted psychosis, which makes me destroy things that meant something special to me at one time? I guess it's called foot in the mouth disease, but the rush of blood to my brain that precedes it choking off the air supply to all my brain cells which are good and just and rational is inexplicable.

I have this thing, this fad where I like to observe my actions at a later date dispassionately, from a third party perspective. Somehow these observations always tend to come to the conclusion that I was in the wrong. Or maybe these conclusions are not so dispassionate or unbiased as I perceive them to be. Maybe they are clouded by the overwhelming feeling of self-hatred that I possess and which tends to consume me from time to time. Or maybe this is all just crap!

God! I need to stop overanalysing so much!